That was fantastic. :)

Disenfranchised?

I am totally suffering from anhedonia. Since it was recently introduced into my vernacular I will offer the benefit of explaining that it is a clinical diagnosis of the inability to experience pleasure from activities usually found enjoyable. These activities include but are not limited to exercise, hobbies, music, sexual activities, or social interactions. (check wiki or read a book)

Work is kicking my ass. I'm lying to myself and rewarding myself for feeling on top of it. And it's working! I feel like I'm kicking *its* ass. But I'm not. I'm shining on a few projects that are dwarfed by a mountain of shit. I think the job I have now should be rotated periodically... like undercover units on police forces. This shit is intense. And overwhelming. I am pwning a few things... but merely celebrating in the shadow of the mountain of looming impossibility. This job is impossible. But fuck it... I'm pwning what I can, kicking ass where I can, and bearing the rest.

Dating is not fucking fun. I've gone on some dates. I've called a few grrrls. I think it's fun... I *tell* people it's fun. But fuck that. It is not. We're all too old and too weird and too set in our ways. What a fucking mess it is out there. Tonight I went on a third date with one grrrl. It was very nice. Last week I would be going nuts over it. Tonight I'm just... eh. (I hope to see her soon though)

And dating. Did I not mention it is no fucking fun? Had a great time with a grrrl Sunday. We hung out all afternoon. Had some cocktails. We really hit it off. And this one wasn't from a site. We connected on our own. But I have heard nothing from her since. Fucking weird and NO FUCKING FUN!

I'm spending too much money. Period. I'm blowing cash during manias. I'm blowing cash during lows. Way too much financial hemorrhaging. Dates are hurting the budget. Gov'ment sent me a confusing letter about some shit. Money is kicking my ass.

But what the fuck ever... you know what? I don't know who in my real life knows all of that. I pretend pretty well. I put on a great face at work (hell, this churchy grrrl at work has been Skyping and fb-liking me... like, a lot). But it's the face I put out. I imagine that I am at the place I want to be and not where I feel like I am. I project what I want to be and strive to be it instead of making the inadequate choices I could easily settle for each day. Some weeks it works better than others.

These last few days... jeebus Christmas, I've had some trouble getting stoked about anything. I thought it was lack of sleep from the weekend but I just feel so... jeez, I dunno. Disenfranchised? That's not the word I mean but that is the word I'm going with. I'm tired. I'm drunk. I'm going to bed.

What a weird few days

Weird stuff. I don't even want to go into details. Notes for future self forthcoming. Just a bunch of weird stuff happening, like a glitch in The Matrix. 8)

Hey, future self, remember these? That road raging redneck in the parking lot who honked because you didn't cross the street at the crosswalk, as I previously mentioned, in a fucking parking lot. You went red and kicked his truck, didn't you? Aww, you wily little fucker. How about that guy just standing really still in the bushes watching us on the 9th hole at Seneca. What a creepy motherfucker. I felt more comfortable yelling at a redneck through his window... for seriously. Long meetings. Long nights. Went on a date tonight. Felt weird. Good weird, but weird. Going Away happy hour and charity picnic later on Thursday. True Detective Marathon is Friday. Pool opens Saturday (I think/hope). I may go see X-men this weekend. Hooray for three-day weekends!

Lazy Sunday with a Game of T'rones

I think I burned up all of my weekend spark yesterday. I was less than motivated to kick equal-if-not-more ass. I worked through a list a bit in the morning. Then I painted for a short while. Lunch was carry-out Moby Dick at mom and dad's. I dropped off the fixin's for Kentucky Honeysuckles to my coworker, who will then give them to my dentist at her inaugural visit tomorrow. How fun! I am also giving my dental hygienist a stormtrooper sketch for her son. Oh! And I dropped off blueberries for Nemo's parents. (I get to babysit him next weekend). After that I met up with dad and my uncle at the driving range. They helped with my swing - my uncle more than pops. We'll see what happens Tuesday. After I came home from that I was pretty much done. Piddled around the house... and by piddled I mean I rearranged my living room furniture AGAIN. But I like it... this is it! (I think I say that every time). And then Game of Thrones. BANGER EP!!! Gawd, I love that show.

11-Hour Spring Cleaning Rampage

It went for over 11 hours, starting with list making at 11am. Dishes. Laundry. Cleaned snowboarding gear. Rearranged the glassware in the cupboards. Cleaned the utensil. Cleaned out the fridge. Ordered a custom pair of Adidas Vikes - purple and yellow for the Minnesota Vikings. Ordered another custom pair of Adidas Cards - red and black for the UofL cardinals, with the logo on the heel and UK blue as the color of the sole... muwhahahahahaha!!! Replaced the light bulbs. Arranged the "chip area" of the counter and found a new home for my paper towel stand. Hand washed an old backpack in the tub. IT WAS FILTHY GROSS!!! Cleaned the tub. Wired up the sharpie on canvas "Stormtroopers" for Sonja's son. Target. Kroger. Liquor store. Worked on the budget. Worked on Samurai Jack. Ate myself into a food coma.

The Baddest Adidas Alive™

I had my Baddest Adidas Alive delivered yesterday. These were the mi Adidas that I designed online at the adidas.com store. And they *are* the baddest Adidas alive! They are orange and grey with white laces and stripes. I. Love. Them.

Whenever I'm walking around in these (like right this very moment) I have the Black Keys and RZA's track "Baddest Man Alive" running through my head and soul. Tell a great white shark to go and brush his teeth - hehehe. :)

Godzilla

Went to see Godzilla tonight for opening night. It. Was. Awesome.

The little kid in me has been going nuts all day but I kept the calm demeanor at work. It's bad enough that they know I love Star Wars. I don't need them to know how much I love that silly lizard.

If you think you will ever see it, go see it in the theater. I went with XD and the unfortunate 3D that normally goes along with it. But the 3D was subtle - not annoying. So it wasn't so bad. But, man-o-man, what a fucking ride! My heart was pounding at times. And the sound editing was body-thumping brilliant. I can't wait to go see it again!

The Sweet Crack of Social Media

I've joined a few dating sites. I've gone into it with zero to few expectations and it's working out better this time. I think it's working the way it is supposed to... it's fun! These sites aren't boyfriend/grrlfriend factories. They are people watching, plain and simple. It's the same thing I do at the bars or Target or anywhere else out in public. Except I get to do it from the comfort of my own home.

The other benefit is the number of ego mini-boosts I get throughout the day. Someone viewed me. Someone else messaged me. Someone wants to meet me! Granted, a lot of these attempts are borderline undesirable women but some cuties make their way through. And those notifications, whether they be winks, messages, views, or whatever, give me a little boost... to the point that I wait for one to get my "fix". The social media rock is good stuff and I'm totally hooked. It has reached a point where I'm not sure I want to find someone for fear of their eventual insistence that I take down my profiles. Muwahahaha!

Where have I been for 10 days? Derby recovery. Crazy mania. Painting. Working. Livin'. (gawd, I hate it when people say "Just livin'!"... NO FUCKING SHIT, ASSHOLE!?!?)

Derby Mania

Been in a crazy mania! Spring Time Busy Crazy Horny Mania 2014! Another great victory in futbol, 11-7. I love these new gloves! Martinis for Thurby. Woke up at 6am to mop and clean the bathrooms. Hosted the fam for Oaks. Plenty of snacks! Day drinking for Derby. Minty Kentucky Honeysuckles. Laundry. Tons of dishes. Gluttony galore! (I'm such a fatty) Getting a new AC on Monday. Got visits galore from all my people: my two fave ladies, Chick Pea, Sam, Honey Badger and Kia, Justus, and the whole fam. Rearranging the studio and "reclaiming" some canvases today. My new patio is my favorite place to be. May the Fourth be with you! :)