Screenshots for the win!!!

That is all.

Perfect answer

True admiration and honest appreciation... and a little bit of the tinglies.

...

Do you know what that is up there? That is the feeling you get after asking a person a question and then being given, dare I say rewarded with, the perfect answer.

How do I know what perfect answer feels like? Because I am lucky. So lucky. It was my pleasure tonight to know that I had just witnessed the most complete and, dare I say, mind-reading reply to any query I have ever postulated to either an audience or an individual! Ever.

Earlier I was messaging my friend and I threw out a flirty and clever question. After a few moments I read the response. I heard the record scratch and the music stop in my brain. I almost pictured my friend holding an imaginary mic into the air, pausing for that moment of trepidation before dropping it onto the stage and just walking off. The response was "Ralphie's Theme A+++++++" awesome. 

I told my friend as much:

"... no better has any answer every come from any question I have ever asked. In fact, you read my mind and answered better than how I knew to question it. Bravo."

So the question must've been a juicy one, right? Not one bit. It was totally mundane. And the answer was more or less about groceries. Meats. Cheeses. Crackers. Tortilla chips are way better than potato chips. Hummus. Carrots. Red Peppers. Peas in a pod. Almonds. Granny Smiths. Lots of good stuff.

It's these little things that get me through the day. It's taking time to appreciate the little things that make each day different. How often do you hear the perfect answer to your question? With a little luck, at least once, up until *that* point in your life. So I'm lucky. So lucky. Will a better one ever come along? I don't know. But the bar has been set.

Please leave me alone

Please leave me alone.

Please leave my friends alone.

It's been long enough. There is no need for it. Let's move on.

Comfortable 24

If I were to consider the previous 48 hours, the last 24 hours has been the yin to the previous 24's yang. And it's just what I needed.

I have no idea when I passed out last night at my desk. It was early. I woke up to daylight in bed. It was a hard sleep. I woke up and enjoyed my normal Sunday morning routine... video games in my pjs. I showered 'cause my hair was wacky. Enjoyed lunch. Garbanzo beans & green chiles over rice and sriracha. It wasn't my best batch but it's comfort food. It doesn't have to be right. Rearranged the living room with some talented help. I think this is it. I think it is locked in, Tetris tight. Watched a great movie - Pan's Labyrinth. And it felt so good. So relaxed. And a great movie! Hearty snack of cheeses, ham, and crackers. Watched some football. Fantastic stuff. Enjoyed some intense moments in the studio. Whew. Great afternoon. Fantastic. Ate a dinner of pb on dinner rolls and a banana. Watched the A-Rod doctor's confession on 60 Minutes. Yowza! Man, fuck baseball. Finished the evening with a comfort task... hand washing dishes. :)

Raging 24

It has been a cuh-razy awesome last 24 hours. Like one of those all-day-and-all-night parties that are normally reserved for big events like weddings and reunions and the like. But it hasn't been any big event other than a day in the life. Some days are bad. Some days are good. Some days are non-stop action and fun. Here is the the recap, speed run style (this style was a fave of mine in older blogs):

Guest arrived on time. Looking fantastic! As-of-yet-unnamed cocktails. Chit. Chat. Catch-up. Living room. Studio. Balcony. Great convo. Great fun. Late night insomnia. Fb'ing too late. Wake up to super cute fb message. Starts the day right. (Since day starts too early) Go out to help move heavy furniture. Kids are looking cute. In great moods. iPad is *well* received. Turns out it's just one heavy thing. But *dozens* of handheld toy trips. Hint: PLASTIC BINS! :) Lunch pick-up from JJ's. Crazy fun fb'ing. Mmmm. Great time in the studio. Grey > Sky Blue. On canvas. Not real life. Game of Thrones Season 1 marathon on HBO. Super-duper productive day just melted like the Golden Crown. Ate shepherd's plate for dinner. Carved ham, fresh cheese, rice crackers, and a banana. Nom! Early bed time tonight. Enticing fb'ing before settling down. Oxymoron... enticed != settled. Looking forward to my next 24. So lucky. Sooooo lucky.

You can always count on corn!

Years ago, a group of friends of mine and I were hanging out, as friends do. We were sipping bourbon, also as friends do (this may have been the brownie/bourbon incident... I can't remember). This group of friends are witty, intelligent, and creative. Either from the bourbon or just the natural progression of our crazy conversations, we somehow got on this crazy t-shirt idea.

What we planned was a shirt with a clip art picture of a toilet on the back. The front will simply say "You can always count on corn!"

Corn has been involved in my last three meals. And I'm happy to report that our t-shirt idea still holds true. Bwahahahahahahahaha! :)

Crazy energy!!!1!!

Editor's note: Dr. DeadBrinley is neither a licensed physician nor licensed psychiatrist. He is the author of blogs on silly shit and personal introspection, including his bestseller of 2014 "It's a brand new...". This article contains some words and ideas taken from his earlier essays on the topics of silly introspection and personal shit.

I have been feeling energetic recently. *Very* energetic. My confidence is high. My ego feels boosted. Day seems brighter. Work seems harder (hrmph). Drive home is funner. Bad news seems like news. Good news seems like OMFGCANYOUFUCKINGBELIEVETHIS fan-fucking-tastic. I have so many crazy ideas running through my head. I'm putting long hours in at work again. Every sentence *needs* a word with asterisks and *multiple* exclamation marks!!!1!!!!11!!!!!!one!!!! When I lie in bed at night I can't hear my heart thumping through my ear against my pillow and it seems so loud! I'm being social. Went to Garage tonight (well, it was kinda work-related). I have plans this weekend with a variety of friends for all kinds of fun activities: beers, babies, and Friday night cocktails! I'm making media. I've been a painting machine. I've cranked out 3pieces and am actively working on 4 more. MACHINE, I tells ya! I'm staying under budget (I barely spent $250 this week... waaaaay under the magic number). Kick ass! I'm getting more into social media. LinkedIn, you're next and I have my eye on you, Spotify. I'm on Facebook again talking with friends and reading up on people from all *kinds* of periods of my life! Ry-kim is on here!!! From 5th grade!!!!!! He was fucking supposed to be president by now! :) Life seems just grand.

...

All of the above is what I'm willing to *freely* admit. What I'm ignoring, since I am *really* enjoying this "high" that seems to keep persisting, are the other things I'm feeling...

SPOILER ALERT: They are not as happy as above. [insert frowny face] :(

I have a *lot* of energy. But it's not, like, energy that I feel like I can go use to run a marathon. It's more like "mental" energy. I don't know if that makes sense. My head actually feels buzzing with ideas and scenarios and I'm always thinking (well, more than normal). But this energy feels unnatural or almost artificial.

All of this energy is really fucking with my sleeping. Or lack of. Or, how about I'm not sleeping. It's taking me hours to settle and it takes me an hour to stir. That is *very* uncharacteristic. I fall asleep within 60 seconds and when I wake up I am normally ready and sharp in the mornings.

I have lost most of my appetite. I'm just not eating. Nothing seems yummy. Welllll, there is always room for PB M&Ms and Pringle's Nacho Cheese Tortilla Chips (seriously, have you tried these? Stop reading this nonsense and go buy 4 for $3 at your local Walgreens now). But nothing seems worth putting in my mouth.

I am having trouble focusing. My little grey matter is flitting about just a teensy weensy too fast. I had a better handle on it a few weeks ago but I'm noticing a rise in fleeting thoughts. Since I have been a victim of sleep deprivation in the past, I know that this can totally be attributed to the lack of sleep.

I am sweating. And no, that's not slang for stressin'. I am sweating sweat... profusely. It's mostly my hands. It's been very bad the last two days. That is a very recent development so perhaps attributed to the dramatic weather earlier this week? I am embarrassed to admit to keeping paper towels, rolled into a cylinder, in each pocket so I may discreetly squeeze it them when I need to "dry off". I sit in an open floor plan around a busy walkway and I don't want to seem weird. Granny would lend me one of her handkerchiefs if she were with us. :)

And I am sad. The sadness is profound. It stabs me through the fucking heart like a spear. A week ago I felt crippled by it. I am fighting. I am pushing it away as best I can. I am fighting it but I fear I am losing as the days and weeks wane. I feel like there is a struggle in my head between feeling on top and being at the bottom.

So much is going well for me. Yes, I received some horrible news at work today (I will blog about that another time) and some of us discussed some radically crazy fucking schemes involving foreign countries that I'm not certain I want to periodically visit (another time as well), but soooooooo much is going well right now. I'm not ready to come down yet.

I've felt this sustained "on top" feeling for weeks... I think since my visit to Sysko Mountain in Maine before Thanksgiving. If I had to guess when it started it was that week. Something about that place was magical. It opened up a place in my soul that has been dormant. It kicked some rust off of this shriveled black heart. I felt alive again.

I just wish feeling so alive... had an on/off switch. ;)